• Helping Kids Rise

If It's Not Your Occupation, Please Don’t Judge

The other day a few friends and I were planning a girls night out, which always seems like mission impossible with our busy schedules. We went back and forth throwing out days that would or wouldn’t work for us.

And just like that - my dear sweet mom friends began judging each other.

“You don’t have to be at Johnny’s game. Your husband will be there. That’s enough.”

“You can’t skip April’s recital just because your mom is going to be there. YOU have to be there.”

The thing is, everyone’s I have to be there is different. Wouldn't it be great if we accepted our differences as moms and just supported one another?

Here are THREE MOM MYTHS that can lead to judgement:

1. The ...BUT I WANT TO BE THERE... Moms

These moms want to attend every program, every game, and every doctor appointment….everything. They want to experience every part of their child’s upbringing. They have a spouse, family member, or trusted stand-in who could be there, but they want to be there.

MYTH: These moms are often judged as not having a life of their own.

REALITY: It’s possible to have a life of your own and still be with your kids. It takes planning, organization, and time-management to make it happen. These moms do have their own life and they have chosen always being there with their children as a priority. Let’s not judge them.

2. The ...UMMM...I CAN MISS THAT ONE... Moms

These moms enjoy and see the importance of attending events in their children’s lives. They just don’t feel the need to attend everything. If they have a spouse, family member, or trusted stand-in who could be there, they accept the offer.

MYTH: These moms don’t care about their kids as much as other moms do

REALITY: These moms love their kids just as much as other moms do. They have decided that they just don’t need to be at every event. A little goes a long way. Let’s not judge them.


These moms want to be there more, but for various reasons, they just can’t. They depend on their trusted communities to be there for their children.

MYTH: These moms put everything else above spending time with their children.

REALITY: These moms would LOVE to spend more time with their children. They may be working hard and overwhelmed with making ends meet. We don’t know everyone’s situation. It’s easy to look from the outside and say what should be, but let’s not judge when we don't know what's really going on.

When judgments might be good...

  • If you see a mom struggling you should say something. Offer to help, but if she declines, accept that. Maybe things are going just as she planned despite what you think.

  • If you see a child being neglected, you should say or do something. If the mom declines, find others who might be able to help.

Parenting is hard on its own. We shouldn’t have to deal with being judged when we're doing our best. Let’s support one another. We’re all just figuring things out.